Dear White Friends -
I have been deeply contemplative and reflective regarding the brutality towards George Floyd and Breonna Taylor. I know everyone has a host of opinions, judgements, concerns and ideas and are sharing them rampantly. I, however, have had such a sense of despair and overwhelming sadness that I have been unable to find adequate words to express this until now. I realize that even this is a luxury of my white privilege. I am conscious of my white fragility as well as the concept of white tears, as I began the journey of truly examining and confronting my white privilege around 2002. Being aware of white tears, nonetheless, does not stop tears from flowing down my white face and from my heart. I do not wish to be consoled at all, as my tears and pain cannot compare to the suffering of my black brothers and sisters. My heart is breaking for all people of color.
For those of you who would like to judge our black brothers and sisters for their anger - please stop. Please stop pointing your fingers. Please stop the judgement. Stop for a moment and consider where that anger stems from. Instead of trying to make yourself right, just listen. What are the messages behind the anger? Has quiet protest gotten anyone's attention? Has anything really changed since the civil rights movement? If so, why then, do we keep coming back to the same issues? Please don't take these statements as a broad sweeping sentiment that all police are bad. We know that is not the case. That is ridiculous. So just stop. When you do that, you are diverting attention away from the real issue, and white people get to take center stage again. We have had center stage for far too long.
Attacking individual people and arguing with one another is not going to get us anywhere. Sure, we need to hold individuals accountable for their actions, however, it is more powerful to examine policies and practices of our institutions. The individuals making horrible choices are a product of our social constructs and institutional racism. We will continue to have individuals making horrible, racist choices as long as we allow current policies and practices to continue. We also have to stop acting like everyone is equal and has an equal chance to be successful. That is a convenient lie we like to tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better. If we want to dismantle racism, our black brothers and sisters need to do the talking, and us white folks need to do the listening.
If you are interested in having an open, honest conversation with me about what I have said here, I invite you in. I will not judge you. I will not attack you. You can say things that may feel forbidden or taboo. If you are truly committed to making our United States a better, safer place for all, where every, single citizen has a chance at the pursuit of happiness, and you are grappling with what I have said here - I invite you in. It is uncomfortable. So be prepared. But we never grow when we are comfortable. We only learn and grow when we lean into our discomfort.
To my Dear Friends of Color -
Try as I might, I will never be able to fully understand your experience. My daughter is black. We work through the pain of her reality and grapple with the fact that I have no point of reference from which to guide her. We are honest with one another. She speaks, and I listen. In my white ignorance, I thought I would be able to rescue her from a rough experience. Instead, she rescued me. Our love is deep and I am learning from her every day.
To my friends of color - thank you for your patience with me as I learn. I will, and have, stumbled along the way. Please know that I am fiercely committed to this work. I am boldly committed to dismantling racism in all of its ugly forms.
Malcom X was so right.
“I believe that there will ultimately be a clash between the oppressed and those that do the oppressing. I believe that there will be a clash between those who want freedom, justice and equality for everyone and those who want to continue the systems of exploitation.” – Malcolm X
Would you allow me to join hands with you in order to dismantle these systems of exploitation?
